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Self-esteem

January 31, 2023 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

I am usually reading a few books at once. And what seems to happen recently is that two books that I pick up share similar ideas, which in turn jumps out at me as I am seeing the same message from two different authors.

I am reading Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck where he says about the 1960s, “Many researchers and policymakers at the time came to believe that raising a population’s self-esteem could lead to some tangible social benefits: lower crime, better academic records, greater employment, lower budget deficits. As a result, beginning in the next decade, the 1970s, self-esteem practices began to be taught to parents, emphasized by therapists, politicians, and teachers, and instituted into educational policy. Grade inflation, for example, was implemented to make low-achieving kids feel better about their lack of achievement. Participation awards and bogus trophies were invented for any number of mundane and expected activities.”

Self-esteem became the answer. Continue reading

The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary

January 19, 2023 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

I’m reading The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary by Dr. Ronald D. Siegel, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School. In it he writes, “Most of us feel proud of our achievements at first. When we learned to walk as toddlers, or successfully put multicoloured plastic rings on a post in size order, most of us felt pretty good about ourselves — and enjoyed showing off to anyone willing to watch. Remember how it felt to be able to catch a ball, ride a bike, or go to the store alone? How about graduating from grade school, high school or college? Having your first girlfriend or boyfriend? Getting a job or a driver’s license? Or perhaps getting married, renting an apartment, owning a car, buying a house, or having a child? Most of us work hard for these milestones and feel buoyed up when we reach them. Continue reading

Stories

January 10, 2023 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

As the new year dawned, I was reminded once again of the clean slate, the blank page, and the importance of stories.

Stories help us decide where to live, what schools our children attend, what meals to make, what restaurants to try, what books to read, what countries to visit, what jobs to take, where to change our tires, cut our hair or exercise our body.

We learn through stories. We communicate with stories. We are inspired by stories.

The poet Muriel Rukeyser once said, “The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.”

Unprecedented

December 31, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

What a few years it’s been. Who knew we could use unprecedented in so many situations? I mean, how do you prepare for a once in a lifetime pandemic? For changes to everyday life that have never happened in your memory.

And yet, here we are.

As we look forward to new chapters, it’s hard not to look back. Continue reading

As I approach half a century

December 23, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

As I approach half a century on this magical globe rocketing through the universe I must say, it’s been quite a ride. And I am so grateful.

I always loved to write, and I have been blessed to publish a book, post a weekly blog, and work as a copywriter and communications specialist.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom and I have been gifted with three wonderful children who challenge me, inspire me, teach me, and love me. A gift that can’t be bought.

I always enjoyed travelling and I have been lucky to visit countries like Ireland, Scotland, Italy, Greece, Portugal and many parts of the United States and Canada. My passport is a prized possession because it allows me to fly, literally and figuratively.

I always adored reading and I have travelled to many places and eras through the pages of countless books. This recently led me to join an outstanding group of local women in a book club that has brought me laughs, learning and lifelong friendships. Continue reading

We need evidence

December 18, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

We need evidence.

Of being a good parent, friend, colleague, sister, daughter, or neighbour.

We want someone to say, “You did a good job.”

As Oprah once shared, no matter who she had on her show, from regular folks to presidents, the first thing they asked when it went to commercial break was, “How did I do?” Continue reading

The Storyteller’s Secret

December 8, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

I just love a good story. I’m reading The Storyteller’s Secret by Carmine Gallo and it’s chock full of golden nuggets.

Gallo writes about Danny, who never wanted to be a lawyer, yet ended up at dinner with his uncle the night before writing the law school entrance exam.

When he told his uncle his true feelings, his uncle asked why he didn’t do what he had always loved? Danny didn’t know what that was, and his uncle said that he should open a restaurant because he was always so into food.

Danny wrote the LSAT the next day but never went to law school. He left a sales job making $125,000 a year to earn $250 a week as a restaurant assistant manager and loved it. Continue reading

To be or to do

November 29, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

Author Ryan Holiday was talking with Tim Ferriss on The Tim Ferriss Show and he said, “To be or to do? This is a key question that comes to us from the great strategist John Boyd who, as he mentored young men and women in the Pentagon, would see that you kind of can go down two paths in life. There’s the person who wants to look important, that wants to achieve a high rank, that wants to be in the newspapers or on TV. Then there’s the person who wants to quietly get things done. I think it was Truman who said, ‘It’s amazing how much you can accomplish if you don’t care about who gets the credit.’

To be or to do is largely about credit. Do you care about accomplishments, or do you care about impact? Do you care about credit, or do you care about getting things done? You have to ask yourself, ‘Am I trying to be an important person? Am I trying to accomplish important things?’ And this question is critical, ‘To be or to do?’ How are you measuring your life?

Hillel said, ‘If I am not for me, who is?’ And then he said, ‘If I am only for me, who am I?’ This, I think, is related to the idea of to be or to do.” Continue reading

How messaging can affect our outlook

November 23, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

I was listening to Professor Heather Cox Richardson this week talk about current affairs and how messaging can affect our outlook and actions. Driving some to do terrible things for a supposed cause or take part in a figurative war that those holding the societal marionette strings want to see come to fruition.

She used the example of Shakespeare’s Othello. Iago was jaded about being passed up for a promotion, so he started whispering in Othello’s ear. Gaslighting him. Telling him stories about his life and his wife. The story ends badly for Othello and those he loves. But it got me thinking. Continue reading

Four Thousand Weeks

November 18, 2022 / Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic

I’m reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. What an eye-opener. The premise is that we have four thousand weeks if we’re lucky. And how do we plan to spend them?

Constantly chasing after the next carrot, running on a symbolic treadmill, or simply accepting that we can’t do it all and focusing on what matters to us the most? Continue reading

Siobhan Kelleher Kukolic